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Worst Things to Say To Someone Who is Depressed

Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression.

This list was started years ago from contributors to a.s.d.

• "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."
• "But it's all in your mind."
• "As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."
• "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."
• "Do you feel better now?" (Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me "what's wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)
• "Why don't you just grow up?"
• "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
• "There are a lot of people worse off than you?"
• "You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"
• "It's a beautiful day!"
• "What do you have to be depressed about".
• "Happiness is a choice"
• "You think *you've* got problems..."
• "Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."
• "Lighten up!"
• "Why can't you just be normal?"
• "Things aren't *that* bad, are they?"
• "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"
• "You need to get out more."
• "We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]
• "Get a grip!"
• "Take a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."
• "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"
• "You don't *look* depressed!"
• "You never think of anyone but yourself."
• "You're just looking for attention."
• "Have you got PMS?"
• "You'll be a better person because of it!"
• "You should buy nicer clothes to wear."
• "Why don't you smile more?"
• "The only one you're hurting is yourself."
• "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."
• "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."
• "You brought it on yourself"
• "Why should I care?"
• "Snap out of it, will you?"
• "You *want* to feel this way."
• "You have no reason to feel this way."
• "Its your own fault."
• "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
• "You're always worried about *your* problems."
• "Just don't think about it."
• "Go Away."
• "You don't have the ability to do it."
• "Go out and have some fun!"
• "You're making me depressed as well..."
• "I just want to help you."
• "Just try a little harder!"
• "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."
• "You need a boy/girl-friend."
• "You need a hobby."
• "Just pull yourself together"
• "You'd feel better if you went to church"
• "I think your depression is a way of punishing us." ---My mother
• "What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."
• This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake,i.e. one of my hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than I do: "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." This has actually happened to me. Bitten-back response: "Who are 'our'? And don't do me any favors, schmuck."
• "Have you tried camomile tea?"
• "So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"
• "Oh, perk up!"
• "Try not being so depressed."
• "Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have time to brood..."
• "Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."
• "Why don't you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out those pills, then you'll feel better."
• "You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking about yourself so much."
• "You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."
• "I want the old (Insert name) back. I don't like the way you are now."
• "You're a real downer to be around. I don't think I can handle the way you are now."
• "Maybe you just need to go to church more often."
• "Why don't you just get a part time job: you would feel so much better."
• "You are draining your family."
• "You are embarrassing me."
• "How much longer will it take for you to get out on your own."
• "I know others who have overcome the same illness and they are holding down jobs: so what's holding you up?"
• "You'd feel better if you lost some weight."
• "You're too hard on yourself - quit being such a perfectionist and you'll find some of your stress goes away."
• "Chill out!"
• "Keep it to yourself!"
• "Don't take it out on everyone else around you!"
• "I am sick of hearing about your depression, we all have our own problems to deal with!"
• "You are going to lose a lot of friends if you don't snap out of this!"
• "Keep your chin up!"
• "You're dragging me down with you. You're so depressing that I get depressed."
• "I can't live in the insanity any more."
• "You're just being immature."
• "I need to see some consistency in your behavior."
• "When I get home from work tomorrow, I don't want you to be here."
• "Maybe you shouldn't try to take on so much - having it all is just a myth - I know I wouldn't work if I didn't have to."
• "I want someone that is strong."
• "You are your own worst enemy."
• "That is life, you have to get used to it."
• "My life isn't fun either."
• "I can't deal with your attitude anymore."
• "You don't care about the rest of us - you're so self absorbed."
• "Why are you being such a bitch?"
• "How do you think you're making ME feel right now?"
• "Put your HRT patch on!"
• "Maybe it's because of your diet."
• "A walk always cheers me up."
• "Are you sure this isn't a spiritual problem?"
• "Wadda ya like on your pizza? Three Stooges for a DVD? Be right back."
  [daedalus: "Three Stooges is kewl; white with fresh garlic, basil and a sprinkling of sensitivity." =:-O
• "You seem so intelligent, I don't think you have a problem at all."

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Modified August 9, 2003