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Home: Humor: Behaving Badly: Fun at W*Mart

Ways to have an Extra-Specially Fun Time at W*Mart

  1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and then stranding them at strategic locations.
  2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
  3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
  4. Try on bras on top of your clothes.
  5. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens
  6. Tune all the radios to obnoxious stations; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
  7. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
  8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
  9. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
  10. Put M & M's on layaway.
  11. Move "Caution: wet floor" signs to the carpet.
  12. Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell others you'll only let them in if they bring pillows from bed and bath.
  13. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
  14. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
  15. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror for picking your nose.
  16. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a miniature battlefield with GI Joes vs. X-Men.
  17. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
  18. Switch the men's and women's signs on the restrooms.
  19. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "mission Impossible."
  20. Set up a "valet parking" sign at the front door.
  21. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with the funnels.
  22. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through say things like "pick me pick me" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
  23. Go to an empty checkout line and try to check people out.
  24. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
  25. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink. Explain that you don't get out much and ask if they will put a little umbrella in it.

Modified December 2, 2002

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