The terrible decade

[Muddler]

Just lately I've been looking back over the first decade of the new millenium. In a large way it was a terrible decade for me. Of course it wasn't the greatest decade for the planet either - two stock market crashes, 9/11, wars, global warming etc. During the past decade my life as I knew it unravelled completely. Here's a little summary:
- I lost a job I was shining in, entirely due to my own bad behaviour
- Got divorced
- Picked up encephalitis which apparently was the cause of the bad behaviour & a precursor to my descent into raging alcoholism & eventual BP & still troubles me (is this the cause of my headaches?)
- Had my girlfriend commit suicide
- Lost another job - entirely due to my BP
- Invested my life savings into a small business that struggles
- Missed bankruptcy by an inch
- Separated twice from my wife
- Was the victim of an armed robbery that left me pretty traumatised

Just reading the list makes me feel like a complainer of note! Too bad, it's what happened. The good part is that I've survived it - battered sure, but survived.

Personally, I think the next decade holds far more promise & I look forward to it. I enter it chastened & humbled but fairly positive. Either way, I'm going to try to make the best of it, given my own limitations (which sometime I need to actually accept).

How's your decade been?

[Native Arizona]

Muddler,

I am so sorry for what has happened to you. It must have been very difficult to deal with those issues. You are right, you are a suvivor.

Let's see - mine are mainly health related and I am in no way trying to one up you.

Something like 5 car accidents - 2 were my fault (one was from bp med)
Husband lost job - still can't find it
Will be filing bankrupcy
Will be losing one vehicle
Will be losing my home
Tendonitis in both hands
Arthritis in both ankles
Broke the same toe twice
GERD
Can't get meds straight
Son having major problems in school
Large outbreaks of eczema every year during the holiday (knock on wood for this year)

My brain hurts now. I am barely surviving some of this stuff and the thought of cutting has crossed my mind on several occasions. I haven't attempted it but the thought has crossed my mind. Some days I just don't see the point in getting out of bed. Some days I don't see the point in going home. Some days I don't see the point in living - then I see my son and that thought goes away. I think most of the shit has hit the fan and some is still in the flight pattern.

[Spirit]

Muddler, and NA, you two should be commended for hanging in there and making the best of your situation. I feel in my heart that there is hope for both of you - a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. I wish you both a much better year in 2010. Lois

[Native Arizona]

Thanks Lois, I too am hoping that 2010 is better.

[Luna]

I echo what Spirit said, wow, what you have endured.

I'm in that place where I think my whole life has been a monumental stuff-up and I can't salvage it, after 48 years I've amounted to nothing, especially compared to an illustrious extended family , the future is bleak, I'll always be alone (made worse by this time of year) and I'm afraid of what will happen to me. I'm lurching directly from episode to espisode, can't make plans as I don't know whether I will be okay when they roll around. I'm still on "holiday" and would much MUCH, MUCH rather be at home. I'm counting off the days.

I thought back briefly, but quickly decided this was not a good exercise for me at this time! Worst decade of my life. So I stepped back in a hurry. Today is about all I can manage.

I guess, at least, I managed to recognise a potential trigger and avoid going there. Not criticising the exercise at all, it's good to take stock. My New Year's resolution is to stay out of hospital.