Normalcy

[Native Arizona]

Normalcy

Another day arises and again I am stuck at this junction
Between tweaking, coming down, and now into slight depression
I have to wonder how I ever made it this far, where to from here
All I want is some semblance of normalcy

I feel like I’m in a pressure cooker just waiting for some sweet release
While clenching jaw, biting tongue, grinding teeth, unconsciously
Walking on a tightrope between sanity and downright crazy
All I want is some semblance of normalcy

As night starts to fall, once again I pump myself full of drugs
Toxic to some, I am still waiting for them to release my soul
Pill after pill, swallow after swallow, thankful one puts me to sleep
And as I doze off into a dreamless slumber I have to wonder
Why I cannot get some semblance of normalcy

[Spirit]

Yes, NA, that said it clearly. I understand. Have you shown and of your poetry to your pschdoc?

[Native Arizona]

He saw one I wrote called Breathe, which talked about how stressed out I was. He said he was considering an antidepressant for himself after reading it. I can't say I'm too keen on sharing any more - unless he specifically requests it. Besides, he didn't go into any discussion about why I wrote that poem or anything along those lines. There really was no dialogue so from my viewpoint, sharing them with him isn't worth my trouble.

[Spirit]

Hi NA,

You have a good point.

[Zooie]

I've just about decided "normalcy" doesn't exist for us. And when I shared a dark poem with new pdoc in Atlanta? That's when he started talking about ECT. But he said it is easy now, and "knocks it all right out." And you know what? It's looking good.

I wish you well NA.

[Native Arizona]

If only ECT worked on mania...sigh. Welcome back though!

I read somewhere that we should not settle for feeling like crap all the time and that the goal is to get as close to a normal feeling as possible. So, that will be my goal. Either way, I should not feel the way I described in my poem.