Help recovering from depressive episode...

[kishoema]

I was hospitalized Mon. and got out Thursday. Thank god I'm finally free from that hell hole! My psychiatrist, who saw me a total of ten minutes while in the hospital, declared that my "bipolar disorder is in remission, but I am experiencing Depression NOS." What does that mean? That my depressive episode only lasted one week so it's not related to the bipolar disorder? He claimed that I got better immediately so it's not related, but the thing was, he saw me so little! My therapist acted like I was still suffering from depression related to bipolar, claiming that I cried the entire day before, which was not true. I cried when my fiance was not able to visit me and I found out he was trick-or-treating with his family instead, and I felt depressed because he was having fun while I was alone in the hospital, with no visitors. However, that phase passed after I got a hold of him and talked about my feelings. So I cried, maybe, for thirty minutes out of the day. I kept getting mixed messages from the doctor and therapist, and right now, I'm really confused.

I tried to call my dad and told him I needed to talk with him NOW, but he just got me off the phone as quick as possible b/c "my grandparents had just pulled into the driveway for dinner." I talked to him later and told him that I felt hurt, that I felt like he didn't care about me needing to talk, and that he was acting like he doesn't care about me. Maybe I went too far with the caring about me (generally) because he does support me financially by helping me pay for college. I guess what I was trying to say was that he didn't care about my emotional state. He told me that he would just disassociate from me if I said that he didn't care. Since the first phone call, I spiraled back into depression and had urges to cut myself again. I guess I don't know how to deal with his lack of empathy for me and the pain of it just overwhelms me and I self-destruct.

I believe that I am still depressed since being hospitalized and I need to find healthy ways to recover. Any suggestions? What helps pull others out of the downward spiral of depression?

Peace and love

[bray]

The urge to cut leans toward Borderline personality disorder although symptoms quite often overlap with bipolar. Actually you could be blessed with both. The right med combo plus LOTS of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy will help you tremendously. The critical thing for you is take your destiny into your own hands and not to rely on anyone. Seeking validation from friends or family when its not forth coming can be extremely frustrating. Find a Tdoc (therapist) SKILLED in DBT dialectic behavioral therapy and a pdoc (psychiatrist) SKILLED at tweaking the correct med combo. You will need a team in your corner going forward and it will be up to you and no one else to make sure that happens.

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/dbt.html

[sumac]

I move, preferably in the fresh air and sunlight... even if it's only a tiny bit at first. Of course I don't want to, but the dogs still need to be walked. Maybe I'll only go a block today, but I went, and I may make it two houses further tomorrow. The horse still needs to be fed and exercised. Maybe I'll climb on and meander around the ring at a walk for 15 minutes, but it's a place to start.... To be sure my record is far from perfect, but when I can force myself (or the dogs pester me into it) it's the most reliable tactic I've found for pulling out of the pit.

Best of luck!

[Perry]

Here's another DBT site, I've found it to be very, very good:

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

[kishoema]

I doubt that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, mainly because that was the first thing I told my first psychiatrist. I went into her office and said, "I have borderline PD because I have problems with abandonment and I self injure." She immediately diagnosised me as having a hypomania (I wasn't aware of my depressive episodes as a child at the time). I found out through research that other people with bipolar sometimes cut, as well as people with unipolar depression and other disorders, not just borderline. However, borderline is the only diagnosis that lists self-injury in the DSM-IV. Besides cutting, I don't fit any of the other criteria for Borderline. But self injury occurs with other disorders, especially mood disorders.

It's really hard to get motivated to do anything besides lock myself in my room and study (I'm behind in my classes due to hospitalization). I think I need an anti-anxiety medication prescribed again, because Klonopin helps when I have urges to cut. I feel almost like it's an addiction, because I just keep thinking "I would feel better if I cut my ankle." Which the cutting isn't severe enough to do harm; the cuts are just scratches that occasionally break the skin and hardly bleed at all. I get those feelings when I experience intense emotional pain, and being depressed just compounds the problem. I see my psychiatrist Monday and my therapist Tuesday, and I plan to let them know about the cutting. At the hospital, no one addressed my cutting issues, even though I was very open with the staff about it.

My mom tries to help me by telling me to hang out with one of my friends, but that has no appeal to me. Especially since mental disorders kind of freak him out. I guess I just want a quick fix, but there really isn't one. I guess I just need to keep my head out of the water until this episode passes. I just wish I knew how to "rise above" my disorder and stop this destructive behavior/mood.

Peace and love

[bray]

Well ..... there is no quick fix but there is a way to rise above it.

First is being self aware which you are. There are tens of thousands that would say i am fine, there is nothing wrong with me. So you are WAY ahead of the curve.

Next is dont focus so much on a label. Meds can and will stabalize you, it will calm your mania or help lift you from depression. Thats the biological chemical end of it. But then emotionally.....you dont feel great, you feel off, it could be about confidence or motivation, fear, whatever ... If you want to function and to get out of your own head, if at the end of the day you want to have a better chance at a successful outcome..... That is where therapy comes in... it can be DBT or CBT ... or both... who cares... try everything as in buying shoes.... keep at it until something fits.