The Dragon Grins
The Dragon Grins
The doctor explains to me that I have a Dragon that has come
to possess me. This Dragon is mean. This Dragon is deceiving and
destructive. "But" the doctor says, "We can work
at keeping this Dragon down."
"What is this Dragon's name?" I ask.
The doctor in his professional calmness says "The Dragon
is FMS." The doctor explains to me ways we are going to keep
him down. "Feed the Dragon some meds like Trazodone or
Elavil. Do some light exercise, maybe the Dragon will get tired
and leave you alone for a while."
I turn to leave and for the first time I see this Dragon. He
looks at me with those evil yellow eyes, and the Dragon grins. I
say to myself that Dragons can be slain. I read that in stories
at school. The armor clad knight slaying the Dragon and
triumphantly returning to town. As I am in this daydream the
Dragon jumps on me. I wrestle with him. His hot breath sears my
head. His roar makes my ears ring. He leaves me in a pile of
flesh on the ground. I ache all over. Some parts of my body are
painful to touch. I am exhausted as I pick myself back up again.
The Dragon looks back to me -- and the Dragon grins.
"I hate you Dragon." I scream as he walks away. I
feed the Dragon the medication prescribed. Slowly at first, then
increasing a little as time goes by. I do begin a little
exercise. I change some of my diet and increase the
carbohydrates. I am starting to feel better. Wow! I can go back
to work now. With joy I move about relatively pain free. And I
say to myself, "Maybe I have beat this Dragon. Maybe the
Dragon was only my imagination. I was just a little depressed and
down, but now life is great."
I look to the sky and see dark clouds looming. A cold North
wind starts to blow. I hear a thunderous pounding of footsteps. I
have heard that sound watching Jurassic park, but I'm not
watching the movie. Boom..... Boom... Boom... I don't see
anything. Boom...Boom... I panic and start to run. I don't know
where to run, but I just run. The pounding gets closer and
louder. I feel breath on my neck. I dare not turn around as I try
to run faster...faster. A claw grabs my shoulder. Searing hot
pain rips down my back. I stumble and get back up. This time
something trips me and I roll to my back, staring upward. Terror
runs through my body.
The Dragon has returned! "You can't escape" the
Dragon yells, "YOU ARE MINE!!" I try to get up as the
Dragon slams my body back to the ground. I can hardly stand the
pain as he tortures me by stomping my hands. With his teeth he
pulls at muscles in my back and legs. He burns my head with
intense fiery breath. The battle is finally over. He stares at my
crumpled body as I try to get focused on this beast. My eyes
finally clear enough to see, and the Dragon grins.
Days pass. My fingers no longer work like they used to. My
muscles feel like the second day of Olympic training, but the
sensation does not leave. My head is not clear. I do not see well
at night. Parts of me are cold and clammy. I am stiff. Why did
the Dragon beat me so hard? When I try to sleep, the Dragon slaps
me awake several times at night. Sometimes I am freezing. In bed
I awake drenched in sweat. It hurts to stand. It hurts to sit. My
mind says one thing and my mouth says another. And the Dragon
Sometimes I think I am in a nightmare and will just someday
wake up, the real me. I don't look sick, so why do I feel so bad.
Friends and family laugh when I mess up on my words talking to
them. I feel stupid looking in the refrigerator and not knowing
why or walking around in circles either not finding what I was
after or forgetting what I was looking for. If I am driving at
night and it starts to rain, the road disappears. And it is not
uncommon to go somewhere and then make wrong turns coming back.
My mind said turn right, but my body said left. I can go
somewhere and not remember how I got there. I am not dumb, just
not "connected" anymore.
Outwardly I laugh and play, but inside I have to cry
sometimes. And the Dragon grins.
By Ray White, Email 102354.2235@CompuServe.com
Modified January 9, 2003